


Time stops when I look at you

by lilac_whimsey



Category: Free!
Genre: Episode 9, Gen, M/M, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-02
Updated: 2014-09-16
Packaged: 2018-02-15 21:22:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2243910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilac_whimsey/pseuds/lilac_whimsey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The thought of seeing Rin through new eyes is a strange one, being able to catch all the finer details Haru's younger self had not been to see clearly before. Knowing who Rin was and where he came from, what had formed the redhead into the person who he would become, and all the painful things Haru would do to Rin later.</p><p>[Diverging from Free! ES Episode 9, the moment Haru stepped through the locker doors he entered a time slip, but what goes missing is not replaced as Rin and the others look for their lost friend.]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Set far and we step in

**Author's Note:**

  * For [the_everliving_ghost](https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_everliving_ghost/gifts).



In that moment, when the water weighed down and Haru had lost his breath, that singular second when his feet touched the ground, he had lost all reason. Reason to be here, reason to be in this competition, reason to be in the water. Haru could no longer ignore the matter of fact anymore that he was drowning, smothered in the built up walls of expectation and smiling faces.

There was no longer a reason to surge forward into the water when it was holding him back and last nights dream played over in his mind, the mockery of his friends and the flashing lights. In all that dreary glory, the hand that was held out towards Haru that he dare not take. Rin’s smile, his crooked fingers, were frightening. As if it would tighten around his Haru’s throat and suffocate him instead.

Although he could not pretend that the future was nigh, he was unsure of what to do.

The sound around Haru was deafening. He felt sick to his stomach again. The ends of his vision growing dark.

All Haru could do was stare blankly above at unseen skies and wonder, why was he here?

* * *

For Rin, in that moment of amounted horror and the complete devastation of his own private hopes and dreams, the redhead stood in aching silence. The fucking massacre in front of him played out as time slowed down for Haru, and the world went by without him.

And all that idiot could do was stop and stare blankly ahead.

Any chances of Haru’s future had surely been crushed, doing well in the prelims didn’t matter when all eyes were on the other boy’s still form now. The brunet would never get that second chance with the scouters. But more anything Haru was running away again, there was only so much of this passive act Rin could take, but this was more than that. If that’s what you could call standing up in the middle of one of the important races of their lives.

Haruka was running away from the opportunities life had to offer, his future that could of been paved purely by the other’s raw talent. He’s running away from this race, running away further from Rin. What the hell did that idiot think he was doing?

This wasn't the time to be so god damn indecisive, a lot was on the line here! Rin shook with emotion as the final score racked up, Haru’s name coming in dead last and oh how he felt scorned in all the places he had no right to.

How could the other boy stand so weak in the wake up their graduation with this kind of half assed effort that wouldn't take him very far in life?

All of this vanished in a single second.

It had always been hard for Rin to understand what went through Haru’s mind, he wasn't Makoto and would never claim to be, he couldn't understand from a single glance to tell what was wrong with the other’s mind.

All this frustration boomed in the redhead’s chest, in all its anger and confusion there rose a terrified feeling, but above all else the driving need to understand where Haru was going. If not here, then where, if not with Rin then what path did he stand on. He’s needed formulated words from the brunet’s mouth, he needed an explanation. Rin needed to figure out, to follow.

Haru emerged from the water, the confused murmurs continued to fill the air. The other boy’s pale form pushed past any comforting hands and made his way to the conjoining hall ways.

Rin’s lips tried speak aloud Haru’s name, he would definitely be heard from over the dim silence left by the audience, but the words wouldn’t come out. Why the hell couldn't he say Haru's name, why couldn't he call out to him when it was important?! Damn it!

Rin is afraid that the broken image before would further break if we were intrude, but he needed to stay strong for this if not for Haru.

But ah! The changing rooms! Haru was heading towards the changing rooms!

Rin stood with shaky legs, brushing off Nitori’s concerned hands.

Earlier, the brunet had refused to talk about his future again, and Rin couldn't understand if Haru didn't tell him. So if other boy wasn't going to say it voluntarily, then Rin was going to make him damn say it.

He flew down the steps, past lingering swimmers and support groups. Barely making it past strangers and raced to get where Haru was heading.

Frantic thoughts filled his head. The feeling of terror, that something was wrong didn’t go away. The dark oppressive air around brunet reminded the redhead of his own violent blow outs before Haru and the others had shown him the way. 

But that was impossible because Run didn't believe Haru wasn’t the kind of guy to let something like this sink him. Nanase Haruka had always fought hard despite his passive appearance, just like how he fought hard to set Rin right so he could stand today here today and chase after his dreams, and it was gonna be how Rin was gonna set Haru right in return.

But there was still that fear, and hope that this might be all some tripped out dream. As if there was some kind of explanation that would justify the ruination of the other’s future, and the redhead wondered yet again what was Haru’s aim.

There was definitely something wrong though as the hallways grew longer and the lights dimmed. The world rocked, shifting, but Rin continued to chase after Haru.

When he finally spied the damn Iwaobi white and blue jacket, Rin was pent up with terror and anger, if anything he should have been feeling relief, but when he tried to call out the other’s name again all he could feel was the rising feeling that something was wrong, wrong, wrong, “H-Haru!”

Yet Haru did not hear, did not stop, and walked further away and god damn him. God damn him. Couldn't he stop one moment?

The other boy took a left, stepping in the one of the changing rooms, like Rin had predicted. The redhead knew that he had finally caught up to the damn bastard. He was gonna let the other fucking hear it, was gonna demand an explanation and there were finally gonna talk for real. There was no time to be soft because the brunet needed to realize that he had to wake up. He had seriously damaged his own future with dragged feet.

Rin practiced the words in his mind, knowing that they would be said not as smoothly as he would have liked, how it would go in his head probably different than real life, but he has prepared for that. Going over tactics and plans to get the other spill, but it all meant nothing when the redhead opened the door and Haru was no where to be found.

* * *

Haru vaguely heard a muffled voice in the distance, but it didn't penetrate the dense whir in his ear and the growing darkness at the edges of his eyes. The hallways had been quiet in the walk over, colors muted and the sound of expectations growing away further. But Haru still struggled to just get to the damn door because he needed another moment to breathe.

Just one more moment to breathe, because he couldn't be there in the water, couldn't let this stupid race decide on some future foundation laid out before him that Haru did not want to follow. Haru never wanted this.

He barely slipped past the door, before the world shook and the lights before his eyes blared.

Everything was far too much and Haru closed his eyes. As if there will be more questioning faces and flashing cameras to accuse him when be looked. Slowly, after a beat, he opened his eyes to see everything haf regained a vivid color palette in detail in bright colors. The brunet looked up to a changing room he doesn't recognize as the place he also dreamed of in aching nightmares. Not the place where he stood with chilled bones as he slowly changed in what could e seen as funeral attire. But it did look familiar all the same.

The sound of children's laughter filtered the air, and while nostalgic was something that had no place here at a swim tournament, but then-  

"Nanase! Wait up!"

A group of elementary school students, decked out in an oh so familiar swimming uniform walk past Haru. He could barely understand their conversation, but the tallest child, with brown hair and green eyes threw him a cursory glance and a polite nod.

The recognition only took half a second because Haru had once spent a lifetime looking at that face, and only that face before the paramount change had been Matsuoka Rin stormed his world. This was Makoto's face. But from when he was younger, when they had been younger. But how...?

He followed them after a beat of unease, that surely this had been a mistake, but Haru could never mistake Makoto's face for another. There is a disconnection, but the colorful wallpaper mismatched the somber hallway walls Haru had just past or had he just forgotten them in his stunned state? But he remembered this labyrinth with aching familiarity, in all it's full glory before it had been tarnished by time and built up again by Goro.

The old swimming club.

The older blond had the place rebuilt in much likeness to the old swimming club, but there weren't the same.

Haru stumbled because he never expected to be here, it didn't make sense for him to be here.

Last night's nightmare had been all too real with screaming crowds and marionettes, perhaps this was also another night terror and Haru had been asleep this whole entire time. Meaning he would have to wake up and face another race, face his friends, face...

Oh god, oh god no he couldn't go through that again, not when he had just resolved to do... something. To run away and to end up in the same place, all Haru wanted to do was scream because he was so scared and he felt so heavy. The air felt thin, and he is so unsure of his future when he was being pulled in by the tide, but he scraped against ground and friction begging not to be taken in.

This was a nightmare, another mockery to laugh at his face when he woke up cold.

But if this was a night terror so be it, all he wanted was out, away from this cruel interpretation of happier times. So he chased after the group he had lost in all his heavy thoughts, but it became all too real when Haru caught up the group from earlier, the loudest child, gesturing with wild arms, turned to smile at the other kid to his left. Turning just enough for Haru to see all of the child's face, to take in the red hair and oh, oh, oh god. Rin.

Rin, in his purest form, smiling happily as if he didn't know that Haru would be the one to crush that smile, looking just the way he did before he left for Australia. Rin was beautiful and the sight of his untarnished image by more tragedy made the brunet nearly cry.

It's ironic that no matter how hard Haru ran, no matter what distance, or where, all exits continued to lead to Rin.


	2. Because there is no escaping from here

The sound of children’s laughter filled the air, but all Haru could see was slender features and a cheeky grin that painted stark childhood memories. The colors that had once drained of this world came  back in full blast as if the brunet was finally looking at the full portrait in person rather than a photograph of a painting.

Ah, Rin.

Rin.

Rin!

All the intricate details that made up that sweet smile, the way his laughter sounded, had never been so clear. These little pieces that made up this strange young Rin had been forgotten over time, the memories had gone faint overtime and been overtaken by association, with someone with a fuller form and sharper teeth.

Surely this must be another night terror of his conscious, another stressed filled dream in a long string line of nightmares.  Any moment now that walls would line with white light and Haru would bolt up awake, drenched in cold sweat and near tears.

Because this can’t be the old swimming club, and these children in front of his eyes, can’t be his friends. This place was a simple mind mockery, another place the brunet could no longer return to. It had been destroyed a long time ago. Eroded by time and without care, the dead remnants rebuilt and paved with new stone.

Long has passed the era where he used to run around  these halls as a child after school.

And ahh, Haru had decided indefinitely that this was all a huge nightmare.

It was only a matter of time before the room would lock in and grow askew. These fresh faces before Haru would become twisted with sneers and oh how he anticipated the marionette limbs and flashing lights. The brunet remembered the way Rin held out his hand to him, and how he could take it before he was pulled back into what he had thought was the waking world.

Once again it was only a matter of time, so Haru watched and waited.

But his head ached as the scene before him continued to play out without interruption. For all expectation, everything remained bright and cheery, even more so than what he could recall when he was this young.

There was Aki, he hadn't seen her in a long time. Coach Sasabe had not grown much in the years into Haru’s pubescent years. There were a few other familiar faces, long grown distant with time and space,  although no one had seemed to really notice his odd stares, how could they when this was all his deluded dream after all? Everyone had ignored his dripping wet presence. Everyone, but a stray pair of green eyes, so young in it’s honesty that it set Haru’s jaw tight. Makoto. The boy peered over his direction every once in awhile, splitting his attention between Haruka and what was his younger iteration.

The questioning look was frankly startling, it was kind of wary look you sent a stranger. It’s a far cry from the looks of concern and familiarity that his Makoto always showed him. In fact, that look of worry was the only face the brunet had made towards Haru now a days, and Haru couldn't bare to look back at his best friend in the face, let alone the eyes.

Here, this Makoto seemed to be a complete stranger.

And yet again, the security of something once held dear had been stolen from him.

One by one, Haruka would be stripped of safe havens until he had nothing left to go home to.

It’s a somber thought, but it hurt to see his best friend this way. It's the same with these familiar memories, and having to know what they would all go on to do from this day forward, the continuing hearts that would break, and the great things they would accomplish.

A child to Haru’s left shook up his thoughts when she bumped into him.

“Sorry mister!”

No wait.

That can’t be right. Haru shouldn't have been able to feel that. The sound around the brunet had amped up and started to deafen, suddenly everything was far too loud as if they were being played directly into Haru’s ear. The next flurry of motion became all too much, the sudden inclusion of this dream felt all the more stranger. Dreams weren't supposed to be corporal, not like this, not this real.

Dreams are the things you want to have, can’t have, and can’t touch. Just like what Rin had become to him again.

And this is the realest thing Haru had felt in a long time.

The bruent collapsed on a near by bench and covered his face, as if when he squeezed his eyes shut them close it would make this all go away, but the continued sound of the swim club soundtrack played in Haru’s ear and it became harder and harder to deny what was in front of him. That perhaps, this wasn’t a night terror after all. But it wasn’t that, then what was it?

If anything, Haru could have sworn he was back at regionals last, having ran away from the water. So what would have lead him back here,? There were more details and things his mind couldn’t have made up that appeared before him now.

His child mind couldn’t have processed this much.

Deep breathes.

The swimmer can’t let this overtake him.

It’s strange though, when Haru looked up, to see things from a different angle. The way Nagisa used to swim, with awkward limbs and half the confidence that made up who he was today, but the smile was all the same. The familiar things like when Makoto pulled up Haru by hand. The young boy he used to view as so much larger was small compared to Haru’s body now.

The only thing that was unrecognizable was Haru's own reflection. It had been many years since the brunet had seen this face stare back at him, his bones restructured and grown. It's strange, but there is still an air of familiarity there, liking looking at a family member that he had not met in a long time. It was wonder how could he ever be so short at some point in his life. So small, and unprepared for what was out there.

Although after a moment of hesitance, Haruka finally allowed his eyes to focus on Rin again,  who had been trying to goad his younger self into what was presumably another race. This Haru must have thought about how annoying this redhead was and ahh, they had so much left to grow.

It was this thought nevertheless, that remained stagnant in Haru’s mind, of how he had failed Rin. How much pain and frustration he had caused, when things might have been resolved if he had taken things into his own hands and had talked to the other.

But now…

Eventually, one day, this Haru would also fail this Rin and the repetition of hurt and hurting would continue. This cycle of suffering that the brunet had thought had finally ended.

There was a time when Haru had thought that it was just enough to take Rin's hand, as if the warmth of the redhead's palm would solve everything, but that was a lie. While things had mended, things weren't fixed. It seemed at times, that they had grown no closer to understanding each other. It was clear their futures was at a fixed point and soon they would depart. There was no place for Haru to follow Rin into his dreams, this future he strove so hard for, but he does not go voluntarily.

But there are regrets, and if Haruka could take it all back now, he wondered about all the things he would have done differently.

The thing was, that there was so many mistakes over the years that he couldn't remember what exact horrible event he would have changed. Too many mistakes, too many hurt feelings, and all the time they spent apart in frigid silence and resentment.

As Haru looked as Rin's face before him now, he knew that this was too real. There came a point where he could no longer keep denying the strange scenery around him. The actual question was where was the brunet? If not a dream, then what, because there was two Haruka Nanase's here. Him and the pouty kid in the water.

Perhaps, the freestyle swimmer had slipped into the past?

Even so, even if this was some sort of time slip, how did he get here? If anything, Haru could have sworn he was at regionals a moment or two ago. The step through the doorway had lead him here, so maybe another dimension where two versions of himself could exist in the same space? But this was all too far outlandish for it be believable even so to him, the supposed time traveler himself.

Haru didn't need to watch a lot of movies to know that if he wasn't careful he might affect the current timeline and the future. Ripple would disturb the frequency of time, what exactly, he wasn't sure, but he couldn't stay around for long. His shallow presence here was already troublesome. Although to be truthful, Haru wasn't sure how to go about getting back to the present.

Getting back...

Did he want to go back?

Regardless of the regional freestyle race before, Haru's reason for being in the water was his friends... Yeah his friends were his support, his drive, and motivation. He still needed to go back. There was still the relay they had to swim for after all. It was a promise made by the team that had weighed down heavily on the brunet's shoulders.

It was that catalyst that made Haru walk towards the changing rooms, if that was where this had all started then surely that must be the portal back to the present. It's all the brunet had to go on, but that seemed like the only sound theory. One step forward, and one last look at his abandoned childhood. It was strange how back then, he used to view everything as an annoyance despite the peaceful times, that these moments would grow into memories to be cherished as he walked further into uncertain fields.

It was strange.

The only sound coming from the changing room doors was silence, all the children had vacated the area to do their swimming activities. It was the moment of truth, back into the present and goodbye to the past. With trepidation, Haru walked through the doors and was met a reeling horror. The brunet had not been met by the sight of regional changing rooms, not even the gray hallways leading up to locker room.

Instead, he was greeted with the sight of the swimming club's changing room. The same lined up blue lockers, and the old scent of the chlorine that lingered in the air. Nothing had changed, nothing had...

This surely had to be a mistake.

Haru back away and tried to walk back and forth the door way, but it was an useless effort. The area remained the same, and he remained here rooted to this time.

It was a mix of emotion, of frustration and confusion, as he stood there in cold sweat and filtered silence. Now Haru didn't have an option of going back home, there seemed no way to return to the future anymore. Was he really stuck here...?

Through the feelings of frightening realization, there was also a strange sense of relief. While being here was extremely confusing, it also meant another moment of peace before the storm. One more moment that Haru does not have to return to a time where there was no future for him, no dreams, only the slipping interest in all the things that used to make him whole. Here seemed to be a happier time.

This was a place, an era where Haru was able to make peace with the water, not dominating its surface, but not giving into the liquid pressure either. It had been a time in the brunet's life when he used to be able to accept the water and in return the water had given him a place to call his own. That time and place no longer exist as Haru began to resent his once claimed paradise, and for that the water scorned him like it was shoving him out.

The sound of children had begun to trickle into the changing room. Haru left before the swimming club members entered the room.

Less of a chance to fuck up things even further.

But this also meant that it was coming close to the end of the day, soon the club would shut down and the building would be locked up. Haru couldn't stick around here for much longer, but he couldn't return home could he?

It was this realization that there was no place for him either in the past, that the other Haru would be the one who would bike home with Makoto and he would be the one received back into the loving arms of their grandmother. This Haru's living and loving grandma, while Haru himself can't even go back home to his own empty house and his dead grandmother's shrine.

All he had left to his name was his swimming suit and Iwatobi jacket, the rest of his clothes back in the regional locker room. The water from before had dried uncomfortably, Haru never got a chance to wash out the chlorine as the summer air continued to grow colder. 

It seemed that Haru was reduced to the most basic appearances, with no place and no one to call home. No one he could call out to, not even sure he wanted to talk to anyone anymore in the first place. As he looked out into the fading sun and the streets, parents coming to pick up their children, Haru wondered how he was going to get through the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't get to write as much as I wanted to for this chapter, I was trying to figure out a good point to cut it out and was intending to include someone else's point of view in this one, but I'm all drained out for this one.

**Author's Note:**

> I really need to stop avoid IOTT, but whoops. I just wanted to have this chapter up before the next episode and my ideas change about how I was going to write this first chapter. Sorry about the rambly quality I'm exhausted.


End file.
